What's the Buzz

Here's the Zagat review of my weekend:

Friday night we saw the The Passion of the Christ. This "empty vessel" of a movie was as "horrific" to behold as Fifty First Dates, another movie we saw recently that was "soul destroying." Adam Sandler and Mel Gibson should both "die." We almost didn't see The Passion because we didn't want "one red motherfucking penny" of our ten dollars going into the pocket of that "Jew-loathing asshole." Those "Christians" who come out of the theaters "all crying and shit" constitute a "seething morass" of people with "crap for brains." It's not that we're "squeamish." We're "big fucking fans" of "violence." It's "the context." No, we can't really abide "money-grubbing Jews," but we dislike "freakishly radical Catholics" who believe the Pope "isn't Catholic enough" and who have dads who go around saying "the Holocaust never happened" even less. In conclusion, The Passion of the Christ is no Jesus Christ Superstar, the "most awesome" movie about the Jesus ever made. Seriously, Jim Caviezel "is no Ted Neely." (Apparently, Jim Caviezel was "struck by lightning" during filming. Any "retard" could tell you being struck by lightning means you're "royally pissing off" the God.) Also, why is it "the Christ"? We still haven't settled whether it's "just Batman" or "the Batman," and now this.

Last night we had dinner at Ryowa, a "little gem" of a ramen restaurant with an unpronounceable "Jap" name. Its clientele is "wall-to-wall slopes," which is "always a good sign" in an Asian restaurant. Later that night, during "the passion of the John K.," the condom "fucking broke." We were "scared shitless," and there may have even been some "praying" to "the Jesus." Consequently, we take back what we said about "those creepy Catholics."