Gnilleps

I haven't been around much because I'm temporarily without DSL, so while I'm here I figured I'd do a quick recap of the last week and a half or so.

Two Mondays ago I got a call on my cellular at around 1 a.m. -- it was Jenn calling to tell me she had just broken up with Teletubby, her boyfriend of four years. I stayed up till almost five talking to her because Jenn's a good girl and I'd do anything for her. She's the kind of person who will tell me if I have something hanging off my nose -- that's important to me. I should point out she's never actually had to do that with me -- aside from my unfortunate hair I'm impeccably groomed -- but last night I watched her tell a guy this very thing, and I pointed my finger at him and laughed really hard. People with a low embarrassment threshold, coupled with a cellar-level I.Q. (I'm thinking of one fat girl in particular, a fat girl with grossly enormous feet), tend to really dislike her, meaning she's disliked by the right people. She doesn't smoke but she keeps matches in her purse because I lose my lighter a lot; she's pledged to give me one of her kidneys in the event both mine fail; when we're at In-N-Out Burger or Target, she'll point out girls with big bosoms; and whenever she's at my house she puts the toilet paper roll in the dispenser, something that's nigh impossible for me to do.

I talked to Teletubby the next day ("Teletubby" is actually something of a misnomer, as Teletubby has slimmed down considerably since he got on the South Beach diet, but I'm nothing if not a creature of habit), and I asked him if he wanted to go to a strip club or get soused, or both. He declined, so we took him out for pancakes instead.

The next night while I was in downtown San Francisco I got a call from Jenn asking if I wanted to do dinner. Less than ten minutes later Teletubby called to ask the same thing. My life had turned into a bad Friends episode.

A week later, it's looking like Jenn and Teletubby are going to work things out (thanks, in large part, to me), which is a big relief for me because I can post the following pictures without any nagging feelings of guilt, otherwise it would have felt a bit like kicking a dude when he's down.

Here's Teletubby on the night of my birthday, January 7. When we came back inside after smoking, this is exactly how we found him. (For one terrifying second I thought he was dead, and then we got out the cameras.) This is what happens after fifteen shots of Skyy vodka in one hour and one really rousing game of Cranium. As you can see, that's the Cranium box he's lying on. Incidentally, if you think he looks awkward here, you should see him swing a golf club.

This is one of the worst cocks I have ever drawn, but in my defense the human face makes for a terrible canvas.

Finally, let's not kid ourselves, the Life Aquatic was a huge disappointment and it sucked.

I promise to update more often once I have DSL again?

Posted by john at January 26, 2005 08:43 PM