Motel Hell

We're spending the night at a haunted hotel tonight. Hughes had seen a show about the haunted hotel on the Discovery Channel, and as soon as he told us "I saw a show about a haunted hotel on the Discovery Channel," we knew we'd have to go.

Yanagi likes to tell people that I looked like I was a visitor at the Louvre when we went to the abandoned insane asylum a couple of years ago. There were times, he said, when it appeared that I was about to fall asleep.

Truth be told, I am a tremendous pussy. I will be scarred for life if any of the following occurs tonight: I look in the bathroom mirror and see someone standing behind me who isn't Hughes, Yanagi or Tiny. Or, I wake up in the middle of the night and see a dark figure standing at the foot of the bed. Or, a poltergeist anally rapes me like I'm Barbara Hershey.

We drafted a few rules of conduct for the mission:
1. No foolin' around: no one will pretend to see or hear anything scary or pretend to be possessed by Satan or pretend to be anally raped by a poltergeist.
2. Everyone sticks together, especially when we're padding around the empty hallways late at night.
3. If for any reason shit does go down and one of us has to be left behind, it will be Hughes.
4. No one is to tell Hughes about rule No. 3.
5. Even though we're taking Hughes's car, somebody other than Hughes is to hold the car keys.
6. No grab-ass.
7. Everyone addresses me as Egon.

On one hand, I hope we don't drive all the way down there and end up seeing nothing. On the other hand, I hope to God we don't see anything.